By John Haze

“Therapy”
Surge Studios, 1985
Directed by Al Parker
Cast: Drake Cass, Eric Ross, Shawn Roberts, Daniel Holt, Alex Lago, Pierce Daniels, Rex, Tico Patterson, Rich Parsons, David Ashfield

Legendary Al Parker takes another directing turn, serving up bearded cupcake Daniel Holt as a psychiatrist with an enviable clientele. The first client, Shawn Roberts, is a beefy, tan blond with the uncontrollable impulse to fuck in a public restroom. He spills the details of two recent encounters, both of which end in jail time and a hefty fine. The second one must surely have been worth it because he pulls out of the second guy’s meaty ass and jacks a pearly white load onto the back of the bottom’s black tank top.

The second patient’s confession is even racier, as he describes exposing himself and submitting completely to two strangers in a dark alley. Pre-condom enthusiasts will get a very dirty thrill when the patient admits to the shrink in a humiliated voice, “All they use is spit!!” The second top in the alley is totally flaccid and undermines an otherwise hot scene. But the second half of the film gets much better.

The next patient is the heartthrob physique model Rex Morgan, whose disorder involves public jacking. His sly therapist arranges for his secretary to feign an emergency so that Rex is alone in the office under Daniel’s surveillance through a two-way mirror. Finally, the perpetually underrated David Ashfield confesses to a recurring dream in which he wins the lottery, but gives it all away for sexual favors. This scene wins the award for most improbable setting—a very real looking bank vault full of gold bullion. David is the best top here, but Daniel is the heart and humor of this exceedingly memorable film.

“Ivy League”
Falcon Studios, 2007
Directed by John Bruno
Cast: Tony Martino, Eddie Stone, Erik Rhodes, Martin Mazza, Roman Heart, Ryan Wade, Zackary Ryan

Frequently when porn producers try to write storylines involving universities, they betray a total misunderstanding of what college actually looks like. Falcon’s “Ivy League” is no exception. The opportunity for an extremely hot fantasy is squandered on profoundly stupid set-ups that rely on Polo shirts and khakis to do the storytelling. As it turns out, the “Ivy League” in this video doesn’t involve any of the elite eight institutions it comprises in real life. Instead, it’s the name of a secret society that perhaps is meant to be a dirtier version of the Skull and Bones.

In any event, Erik Rhodes, who somehow got nominated for a GayVN Best Actor Award for this very average performance, invites three students from “Covington” University to the Ivy League mansion, and then fills the place with what amounts to sexual booby traps which they must navigate to gain membership. Jason Adonis turns a weight bench into a casting couch for bottom Ryan Wade, whose flaccid disinterest would be painful to watch if his body wasn’t so flawless. The same can be said for Zackary Ryan in the next scene, except he’s not flaccid once the foreplay is over. When they move out of the hot tub and into the bedroom it becomes a real scene and this becomes a real movie. Roman Heart’s subsequent pool-table scene is also more than admirable.

Simple directorial decisions—like fluffing the actors off camera before they disrobe or ditching the politically regressive “I’m not into guys” set-ups—could have made this an extraordinary movie. Despite director John Bruno’s misguidance, these men are far too hot to ignore.