By John Haze

“Brotherhood”
Colt Studios, 2007
Directed by Jerry Douglas
Cast: Danny Roddick, Jan Fischer, Sebastian Rivers, Dallas Reeves, Kevin Armstrong, Justin Burkshire

It’s fair to say that Colt Studios is having an identity crisis. They were the gold standard for 1970s daddy films, when the cost of shooting on film made live sound too great a luxury. The early directors were geniuses at wordless setups, such as homeowners beckoning the help into the house for an X-rated drink of water, or blue-collar men taking their lunch break with their pants down. The video age did this company no favors. Since no one did film better than Colt, no one had a bigger legacy to live up to. In recent years, instead of continuously re-editing and re-releasing those old film loops, they’ve tried a number of strategies with mixed success.

Now, they’re making twink movies, trying to diversify their hairy bodybuilder portfolio. It’s not the worst idea, and Danny Roddick was as good a choice to lead this cast as any. He has the body of a water polo player, and a thick piece of meat that appears to have never known a flaccid day in its life. But not everyone here is as able-bodied, and this movie’s script is altogether screwy. Danny is the president of a fraternity that has gay orgies but doesn’t want anyone to know, yet he himself is paying for school by starring in gay porn. He receives an anonymous threat to quit the fraternity, and he spends much of the movie trying to figure out which closet case sent it, while also seducing everyone in sight. Could it be the ROTC member, the “redneck” (who is more bronze than red), the Catholic brothers (biological, that is) who shower together, the divinity student or the pro-baseball recruit? It’s 150 minutes of sex that’s intermittently hot with a plot that’s intermittently coherent. Danny is absolutely worth your time here and the other men are no slouches, but you’ll wish that they would just drop the high drama and offer the gardener a drink of water.

“One in a billion”
Surge Studios, 1984
Directed by Al Parker
Cast: Dave Connors, Glenn Steers, Giorgio Canali, Jason Hill, Mike McDonald, Brad Mason

Don’t walk to the video store for this one. Don’t even stop for red lights. Chances are, unless you are a bit of a connoisseur, this stunning flick got by you. But you must get your hands on this one, and watch it with a buddy if you can.

While you might not know this film, chances are you know at least one person in it. The king-sized star is Dave Connors, who was also the “drill” sergeant in “The Biggest One I Ever Saw,” one of the few adult films whose titles did not exaggerate. Glenn Steers was the megastar of “Buckshot: Good Hot Stuff,” a film that Colt Studios had the extraordinary bad judgment to let go out of print. Giorgio Canali was the most prolific, starring in films from Colt, Falcon, Catalina, and Nova. With just those three men, you could re-hang the Golden Gate Bridge.

And the real fun is in seeing which of these tops flip for each other. Dave bends over for Glenn in a glass elevator. But then Giorgio takes a rare turn on his back atop Dave’s desk. Sweltering as those scenes are, rock hard as these men get no matter what position they take, that’s still not what will make you cringe with the most lust. That’ll happen when you see how copiously Dave pre-cums, or how much of a (forgive the expression) “hot mess” he makes with his costar in the final scene (the two of them use their forefingers to thread each other’s head drool up, down, and around and around).