More than 120 years ago, a deeply troubled man plaintively asked his adversaries and his peers to sit down and talk.

“Let us put our minds together and see what life we can make for our children,” he begged.

The plea came from Tatanka Iyotaka, better known to most of us as Sitting Bull, the great Lakota Sioux leader.

History tells us that his wish fell upon deaf ears. People bent on claiming land and riches, achieving glory and fame or simply interested in protecting their positions had agendas that weren’t focused on making the world a better place for others, let alone for generations that weren’t even born yet.

We have to wonder why. Why is it so often hard for us to put aside our own personal agendas and focus on working together to come up with solutions that better all our lives?

We ask this question because communication—honest, unselfish dialogue aimed at solving our collective problems—seems to be in such short supply today in our community, in our state, in our nation and in our world.

Yes, we have different experiences. We come from different places and cultures, and from different types of families. Some of us have never worried about money, while others have never known true security. Some of us never doubted we were gay and have families that weren’t troubled by that. For others, it’s been a lifelong struggle to understand who we are and to find our own versions of loving families. We are white, black, brown, Muslim, Christian, Hindu—every spectrum of the rainbow.

Last week, in a presentation at Sulzer Library, one of our community’s leaders, the Rev. Juan Reed, said, “We don’t talk enough with each other.” He was specifically addressing black gay men, but his words hold true for all of us.

Think of our own community’s issues today—we have GLBT youths coming to us, for example, literally begging us to give them a place at our table, and yet we find it easier to look for ways to say that it’s not our problem, that it’s for someone else to deal with, that we don’t want to be bothered by them. Never mind that in a city and GLBT community such as this there is no doubt that we have the resources and ability to meet their needs. We just need to sit down and figure out how to do it rather than how not to do it.

Look at what’s going on in our state. We have elected officials who’ve spent most of this year refusing to talk honestly with each other, despite the fact that these are people who asked us to send them to Springfield precisely so they could work together to solve our state’s problems. Instead they’ve staked out turf and engaged in gamesmanship rather than looked for the common ground that’s there if they would only allow themselves to take it.

In both these instances, the answer is simply to sit down and talk with each other and begin to look for answers—without preconceptions, without hidden agendas, with a goal of seeing “what kind of life we can make for our children.”

One would think in this day and age that we would have come far enough as intelligent and caring beings to do that. And maybe we have, if we just try being honest enough to “put our minds together” to find solutions that work to everyone’s advantage.