By Paul Varnell

This column is written before National Coming Out Day, Oct. 11, although most people will probably read it after that date. But that’s alright: NCOD nowadays is not so much a day on which people are supposed to come out—after all, the timing may not feel right—as much as an occasion for us journalists to remind gays and lesbians of the importance of coming out to everyone they know.

And it is up to us journalists. The Human Rights Campaign, which adopted NCOD amid much fanfare many years ago, has completely dropped the ball, just as GLAAD (the most useless money-sucking organization in this movement) has completely dropped the ball on October’s Gay (or GLBT) History Month—which it was eager to take over several years ago. No press releases about either one, no promotional events, no information packets! What is wrong with these people?

You don’t have to come out on Oct. 11, but you should think about why you should come out to more people, when you want to do it and the best ways to do it. And if you are the typical gay person, there are people in your life who do not know you are gay—friends, extended family, co-workers, people in your religious congregation, fellow members of civic or advocacy organizations. So here are some reasons to come out to them.

1. You would be doing yourself a favor. The main reason people don’t come out is fear, almost always groundless fear. This is, after all, 2007, not 1957. Millions of people have come before you, paving the way. People need to rid themselves of that fear and, as with all fears, the only way to get rid of it is to face it down and realize that you survived just fine. Without overcoming those fears the world is going to seem a much more malevolent, more menacing place than it really is.

2. Coming out simplifies your life. You stop having to practice self-censorship—having to think about whether and how to answer personal questions. You stop having to change pronouns, stop having to disguise how, where and with whom you spend your weekends or vacations.

3. Honesty is a virtue. Lying and systematic evasion are not virtues; they are why we so often hold politicians in contempt. Worse yet, people who lie about one important thing begin to find it too easy to lie about other things with impunity. Statements lose their connection with truth and become strictly instrumental—a means to (imagined) personal advantage. Please: Have some regard for your personal integrity!

4. You might learn things. I cannot tell you the number of people I have told I was gay over the years whose first comment was, “My wife’s brother is gay.” Or “You know, I had a fraternity brother who was gay.” Or “We have a gay guy at the office where I work.” Etc.

Or consider the man who took his best friend to a fancy restaurant to make his coming-out announcement, only to have the friend respond that he too was gay. Or the young lesbian who mustered up her courage to come out to her boss. Her boss replied that was fine with him and he was gay too.

5. Coming out can improve your personal relationships. Generally, when people know more about you, they feel more comfortable with you. You become a fuller, more interesting person, a repository of interesting qualities. And generally you become a warmer, less superficial, more outgoing person when you are no longer holding back important parts of your life.

6. Your coming out is good for other people too. Many people still have questions and puzzlements about gays and welcome an informed source they can get first-hand information from. Consider providing this information part of promoting tolerance and acceptance. It is also your opportunity to mention the military exclusion, the gay male blood donation ban and the unfairness of barring gays from legally marrying.

Consider a personal example. Thirty or more years ago, I worked in a factory where I eventually came out. My foreman, a firmly heterosexual, self-avowed “Tennessee redneck” who had never been very friendly, became a bit friendlier and began dropping by the machine I operated to ask what I had done over the weekend, did I “get laid,” how did I meet guys, whether there were a lot of gays, etc. It seemed something he had never even thought about before.

There are more reasons, but that will do for a start.

Some of Paul Varnell’s previous columns are posted at the Independent Gay Forum (www.indegayforum.org). His e-mail address is pvarnell@aol.com.